when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
