Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
