why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
