they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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