I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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