what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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