nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
