Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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