Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
