OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize