she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
