She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
