Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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