Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
