I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
