You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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