Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
