You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
