3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
