Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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