WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
