who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
