plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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