Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
