I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
