Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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