She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
