I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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