Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
