My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
