She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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