Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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