i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
