So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
