I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
