dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
