You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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