I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
