i barfeds in our rink
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
farters have to be the big spoon...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
