i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
