TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
