there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am naked and annoyed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I pour the whiskey from now on
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