I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
