5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i drank out of a bidet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
