The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My cat gives me a boner
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is my gift to your gina
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
