You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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