Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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