Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
