I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
