The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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