return my video game
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
