There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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