also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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