I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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