so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
