I showed him my bush... on skype.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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