Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
