i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
