Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
