Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i will never coherently bang her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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