Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You made out with two different species that night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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