you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found a bag of teeth...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
