Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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