I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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