it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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