why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
