i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
