He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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