doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
