Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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