Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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