I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
