you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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