You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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