My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she woke up with a sticky ear
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
