I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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