Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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