she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
