i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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