My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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