Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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