I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize