his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
