whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
