He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
