I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize