definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
