And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
