I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
