I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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