I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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