the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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