smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need water and some morals
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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