i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
