I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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