My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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