How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
