Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
